He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
