How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
