i permit you to call me
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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