Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
