I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize