I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
