Four minutes until I can fart!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
