I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
