whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
