His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
