If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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