You're completely useless in the revolution.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
