so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Pants are for mortals
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
