I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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