lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
