Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
