Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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