She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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