you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He shit in the fireplace
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
