haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You can't motorboat a personality
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
