R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
