The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
