his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
