You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
