The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
