I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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