whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
