we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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