you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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