So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
