I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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