I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
