i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
