she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
