you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
