Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
