yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
