Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
