just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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