...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
