dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
