oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
