oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
