How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
