Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
