Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
