I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
