This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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