Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
