living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
