My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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