Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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