HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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