I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
