Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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