When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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