Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
