She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
